Better leaders are better listeners

In a recent conversation I became keenly aware of what it was to not be heard, and to talk with someone who didn’t listen (or was is couldn’t or wouldn’t listen). They say that confession is good for the soul, so here it goes… I confess that my listening skills need an bit of work too.

Jim Collins underlines this talking listening tension when he tells the story of a mentor of his who stung him with the remark "it occurs to me, Jim, that you spend too much time trying to be interesting, Why don't you invest more time being interested?"

Being interested, or listening, is an important skill in life and an essential skill in leadership. But the sad truth is that most make little effort to develop our ability to really listen. We will practice endlessly our verbal and written skills. We want to talk, we want to say what we think, we like the sound of our own voices, words and ideas more than we are interested in true communication – something that requires really good listening.

I believe we can all practice the art of listening and develop it into a skill. The best communicators I know are also the best listeners. Below are some tips for developing better listening skills.

steps to improve your listening

1. Attention and focus Give your full attention to the speaker. When you are on the phone, just listen (don’t catch up on email). Focus on the speaker and what he or she is saying. Do not plan what you will say next. By planning what you’ll say next, you’re not listening.
2. Let other person finish. Do not begin talking until the other person is finished. It’s okay to ask them if they are done.
3. Pause. Don’t start talking immediately. Digest what other person has just said and then think about what you want to say. You don’t need to fill the silence.
4. Summarize important points. Review the important points of the speaker. Make sure you heard them correctly. This also gives them the chance to clarify and even change what they want you to understand.
5. Ask questions. People love to have others ask them questions. Questions value and validate a person. Questions assume that someone has something to contribute.
6. Give feedback. Let the other person know what you think about their comments and ideas. Feedback can be focused on the content (words) of the persons communication or about the messages and meaning (this requires more careful listening and more artful summarizing)
7. Other centered. Focus on others. What are their strengths? What can they contribute? And how can I allow them to be the center of the conversation?
   

Much more can be learned about listening. I strongly encourage leaders to become students of the art of listening. It makes a world of difference