Making the Most of Leadership Mistakes

I trust you are familiar with the orange covered "...for dummies" books. (my wife wanted to write a "Football for Mommies" book in the same style as a fund raiser for our sons team) Well, these books often serve au a bunch of treasures if you are willing to skip over the trash. Check out the article Making the Most of Leadership Mistakes found in "Leadership for Dummies". It’s worth the read.

Motivated by Starbucks (or What Motivates Younger Leaders)

What motivates you? The great Olympian Eric Liddell (remember the 80’s movie chariots of fire?) is quoted as answering the question “what motivates you to run” with these words, “When I run I feel the Lords pleasure”

In How I Answer The Big Question I identify how many younger leaders are NOT motivated. So what does motivate?

Most of us hate being stereotyped and categorized. We don’t want to be lumped in with everyone else (even if they are just like me). We want to be understood as unique individuals. The result is we are motivated by people who value us, and understand our uniqueness. That said, we don’t want to be isolated or atomized, but want to be recognized as part of a community)

While we often hate to admit it we are also a generation with a craving for relationship (ever notice how Starbucks is trying to sell community and relationship). Someone noted that when the “first wave of latchkey kids to hit the work force. They are homesick for the home they never had (due to both parents working).” Their focus on relationships and strong sense of community

Training is one of the best motivators. In an information age we have developed a tremendous capacity to process lots of information and concentrate on multiple tasks. Of course the flip side is especially true of leaders, we get bored easily. The truth is much of life is an exercise in the routine and we must find greater purpose in our life and work than being constantly stimulated

I for one am motivated by TEAM. I hate committees (and people who call committees teams annoy me) and spinning my wheels talking about something for the third or fourth time (committee meetings are the worst). Lets dig in, do the work, and move on.

Younger leaders thrive on Feedback and Recognition. While it may be un satisfied hunger for affirmation from childhood, it is more likely a way life, constantly testing their ideas and the quality of their work so they can tweak it and improve it. This feed back loop needs to be quick and the celebration of growth needs to be frequent.

At work I have what I call my “Starbucks budget line” With this budget line I take people out to coach someone, to debrief events, to celebrate achievements, and to just spend time building relationship. I often give a Starbucks gift card to express appreciation or recognize accomplishment. So while it might sound trite or trendy I hope you understand that when I say I am motivated by Starbucks you realize that I am not talking about the coffee.

How I answer THE big question (or what doesn’t motivate younger leaders)

If you were to sell everything to do something or be part of something, what would that something be? This is THE big question that we answer with every minute of every day. How we live our lives is the answer to this question. But the reality is that most of us are not giving much attention to this question, and because of that we don’t live our lives in a purposeful way.

If you are 40 and younger you probably won't do things because you have a deep sense of loyalty to an organization. Organizational politics and bureaucracy exasperate you. And because you watched your parents sell their souls to the company store, only to be downsized or restructured in the most Machiavellian way, you deeply mistrust institutions. You probably believe that “work is a thing you do to have a life” and that “work doesn't define your life” (my apologies if I have over stated my case).

Has a supervisor ever raised the “company flag” or played the “loyalty card” on you? It might have sounded like this... "Your behavior is affecting the company and if you don't change, we won't be in business in very long." This probably meant little to you, it didn't stir feelings (except maybe resentment) it didn't capture your interest, it certainly didn't make you inquisitive, and it probably did little to encourage a change of behavior or a new set of actions.

Those of us under 40 have little expectation of job security. So we often see jobs more as learning opportunities than as a retirement plan. When we stop learning or are unable to apply our knowledge and skills it is time to move on. As soon as we feel a job is a dead we stamp a "best before” date on it, and are on your way out. It’s not that we are not loyal, we are loyal to something other than the organization.

SOOOOOOOOO. Here is where the rubber hits the road – as a leader, making things happen is your responsibility. If you want to follow, find a great leader or apply at a temp agency.

1. What initiative are you taking to be a learner? If learning is important to you then the ball is in your court what steps are you taking? What opportunities are you looking for (or creating)? What personal sacrifices will you make to learn something of great value?
2. What do you believe in? How are you connecting your commitments to your work? How are you filling your work with meaning?
3. What goals are you setting, what challenges are you seeking? Do those you work with and work for know about your goals? Do they know about what you want to learn, what you believe in and what you are committed to? Your coworkers and supervisors can’t read you mind (but they can read your body language), you will have to become a communicator. Effective communicators often over communicate (because most of us are inattentive or distracted or uninterested) to be sure that message sent is message received.

As a leader the most important person you will lead is your self. Self leadership is hard work because we are often poor at following our own advice or following though on our own plan. The greatest gift you can give to those you lead is to intentionally engage in self leadership.

NOTE you may want to check out a related article called Motivated by Starbucks

5 Essentials for Teambuilding

In my post "Do you have what it takes to get the job done?" I emphasized the importance of having the necessary elements in place for effectiveness, Authority, Responsibility and Means. In fact, I would suggest that any person lacking one of these three elements has become a consultant and any team lacking one or more of these essential elements is a committee.

But, assuming that responsibility, means and authority are all in place what are some essentials for healthy and effective functioning. Below are some of my essentials. But before you keep reading, stop and list at least 3 essentials for healthy and effective team functioning. If one of your three isn't listed below, please post a comment and enlarge our understanding and practice.

Team requires a shared purpose - this isn't rocket science, but it can be as rare as rocket science. I don't care what you call it, a mission, a purpose, a goal, you have to have it. An effective team is about getting something done. Name that thing in a sentence that everyone can understand and you have established a solid launching pad.

A Team requires a team leader - Leadership is not about control or power, it is about accepting responsibility for helping the team achieve its purpose. In the absence of leadership team members become distracted from their role on the team, they may be angling for leadership or trying to avoid it, regardless they are misdirecting their energy. Often leaderless teams experience the disappointment of not realizing their purpose. And even more frequently team members drop out or disengage from participation because the team climate is not a safe place to exercise their giftedness. A last note - people are often hesitant or resistant to joining leaderless teams.

Team requires clear roles - Teams have many and varied makeup’s, in order to ensure that responsibilities are carried out with greatest effect and least confusion each team member should understand and be able to articulate what their role is. In like fashion each team member should be able to accurately describe other team member’s roles. Think about a sports team, everyone knows what position they play in volleyball. It wouldn't do for every one to try to be the setter and every one try to be a blocker. Clarity of roles is essential to reaching our goals. (I didn't mean for that to rhyme)

Team requires clear boundaries (what don’t we do)- in life and work there is often the temptation to venture into areas that are out of bounds. When we do this we usually get into trouble. Clear boundaries say where our team won't go, and what our team won't do. This is important as the team tries to stay focused on its primary purpose. Boundary creep (that’s a movement not a person) causes our purposes to grow beyond the responsibility and authority of the team.

Team requires relationship - This one is last because it is most important - if you remember nothing else remember this. Relationship is the oil that keeps the team working smoothly. Ask yourself a few questions
1. Do you intentionally build fun and joy into you work
2. Do you celebrate every time you are together
3. Do you encourage and affirm each other for WHO YOU ARE more than WHAT YOU DO?
4. Do you practice healthy conflict resolution?

In my experience true team work is rare. Imagine what we could get done if half of all committees where transformed into effective teams. Consider what it would take to transform a dysfunctional into an effective team.

"Follow the Leader" is not child's play

Long ago I discovered that in order to be a good leader I needed to be a good follower. After all, is it often when you are following that you have the best opportunity to observe someone else lead. To often I’ve wasted the opportunity to learn when I was following, I haven’t been attentive to what the leader was doing, I wasn’t learning from their successes or mistakes. Observing leaders and learning from then can be hard work.

Sometimes we don't have a choice in who leads us. But often we can choose where we are involved, and when that is the case, we have the opportunity to choose whom we will follow. Below are some of the things I look for in someone I want to follow. This is my list, what’s on your list? Who are you following?

· Follow leaders who value you for who you are as a person AND what you contribute to our shared goals. I want to be part of a team, and I find it easy to follow leaders who use the word "WE" a lot.

· Follow leaders who want to make a difference. Do the use the language of change and vision of the future? I am not interested in just being busy. I want to be part of something bigger and more compelling than what I can do on my own.

· Follow leaders who call for and expect dedication and sacrifice. Jesus has loads of sayings that call for great personal sacrifice. "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it." mark 16

· Follow leaders who are principled and whose decisions are consistent with values you embrace. This may sound obvious but history offers SOOOOO many examples of superb and effective leaders who self destructed and hurt many people when they acted inconsistently with their values and the values of those they led. Enough said.

I had a friend who lived in an apartment near the university. Paul's building was filled with international students from India. As you could imagine, the smell of curried cooking filled the air (I love curry). When Paul got into my car, he smelled like curry, and I wasn't the least bit surprised when he made curried chicken over the campfire on a canoe trip.

So, follow someone you want to smell like! Take an inventory of those you follow. They are key influencers, how are they leading? They are shaping your life, what are you becoming? As you take the lead, you will reveal whom you have been following. In ways that my surprise you, you will walk, talk and smell like those you have followed.

The moral of the story

If you carpool with a smoker you will smell like smoke
If your roommate cooks with curry you will smell like curry
If you follow... you will smell like...
If you follow Jesus you will be the aroma of Christ 2 Corinthians 2

[leadership]

Do you have what it takes to get the job done?

Today I was asked to join a meeting in progress. Around the table were six people, each very different. Different by temperament, different by role and authority, different in accountability. Every one was concerned about a common purpose. There was a chair for the meeting and participants had clearly defined tasks relating to this common purpose. But something was odd.

It soon became clear that responsibilities overlapped and that lines of authority were a little blurry. The only thing that was truly clear was the budget constraints that participants had to live within. Well, I guess one out of three ain't bad.

I may as well start this blog with a concept that is, for me, foundational. Always be clear about means, authority and responsibility. I am sure that I have heard this from some expert or source, or at least from someone more experience than I, but I can’t tell you who. This concept has become one of my ten commandments in leadership and teamwork.

Means (noun) - how a result is obtained or an end is achieved; an instrumentality for accomplishing some end. (means, agency, way)

Means specifically refers to the resources (people, talent, finances, time) necessary to achieve the desired outcome. If I ask "do you have the means to get the job done" I am NOT asking about authority or responsibility, I want to find out if you have the necessary resources.

Authority (noun) - the power or right to give or make decisions and delegate responsibility.

Authority refers to the source of permission; the ability to make a decision independent of the power to enforce a decision. Authority need not be consistent or rational (though it really, really helps), it only needs to be accepted as a source of permission or truth. If I ask, "Do you have the authority to make this decision?" I am not asking about means or responsibility, I want to find out if the buck stops with you. You may find that you have delegated authority. That’s just fine, provided that it is clearly understood by every one. I call this kind of authority "initiative". The buck ultimately stops with someone else, but they have granted enough authority to you that you have the ability to make all of the necessary decisions without going back to them to get more authority.

Responsibility (noun) - The idea is that one is entrusted with achieving or maintaining an assigned duty, charge, or outcome; an obligation to perform assigned activities. Responsibility is distinct from accountability.

A supervisor can assign responsibility but cannot give away his or her accountability: the supervisor is ultimately responsible. So, if I ask "are you responsible for this?" I am not asking if you are the source of authority, or if you have the resources to do the job. I want to know if the initiative for getting the work done is yours.

Whenever I am volunteering, when I accept a new job, whenever I am part of a team or committee or board, whenever I start something new I make it my first order of business to clarify authority, responsibility and means. This is something I find out, not just for my own curiosity or confidence, I find this information out so I can function with clarity in all of my roles and relationships. So, do you have what it takes?

Finally, I am very cautious about venturing into territory where any one of authority, responsibility, or means, are absent or being withheld. Usually I have found these conditions lead to frustration and even failure. And as a leader I make it a priority to help those on my team understand their authority, responsibility and means. I owe it to them.

So, if you come across the person or source that gave me this advice please let me know. I owe them a debt of gratitude and would love to give them credit where credit is due.

[leadership][responsibility][authority]

Quitting Sarcasm

When I was 20 looking 13 I was pretty sarcastic. I thought it was funny, and so did some of my friends (they also were sarcastic). HOwever a person I deeply valued (and latter married) said that she couldn’t stand me because of (among other things) my sarcasm. It was the first time anyone had confronted me about this behavior. Now, years latter, I am acutely aware of the damaging effects of sarcasm. As a trainer and consultant I have spent about equal time with Canadian and American groups and I find that Canadians use sarcasm more frequently, and with greater effect than their American counter parts.

Sarcasm is one of the most unique and dangerous forms of communication. When challenged, practitioners of this "dark art" make excuses ranging from, “I didn’t know I was doing it,” or “it adds a bit of humor to a bland conversation” to “It’s how I get someone’s attention.” Whatever the excuse / the reason, sarcasm is a damaging form of communication that has limited long-term success and commonly results in the message AND the messenger being tuned out or turned out.

In its most base form sarcasm is simply being a verbal bully. Someone who exercises power through fear, intimidation and one-up-manship. The hope is that sarcasm will intimidate someone to gain an advantage over them. If you are the recipient of sarcasm will have often have strong negative feelings towards a sarcastic person

I once read an editorial by a Dr. Williams that said this about sarcasm:

”The truth is that most of us don’t like to be with and we clearly don’t trust people whom we perceive as being sarcastic. Sarcasm is a relational deal-breaker for most people. Communicating with someone who is sarcastic is like trying to dance in a minefield. You never know when the person is going to fire an insult in your direction and the conversation will blow up. Like landmines, the triggers of sarcasm are often hidden out of sight, usually deep within the verbal bully’s psyche.”

So what is Sarcasm ? Etymology: to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer, from (greek) sark-, sarx flesh; Definition: 1 : a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain 2 : a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual

Sarcasm always has a target. Usually it is the hearer, sometimes it is the speaker. When sarcasm is directed your way expect to experience a wound – that is its intent whether the sarcastic person is conscious of their intent is another question for another time. Sometimes people turn sarcasm on themselves, possibly because of a lack of self worth, or because they are using a form of passive aggressive behavior to manipulate their hearer into “rescuing” them, responding in kind or simply feeling as worthless or insecure as the sarcastic communicator. The truth is when I comes to sarcasm, no one wins.

But what about humor? you ask. Well, Monty python, second city and Saturday night live and most Canadian comics use sarcasm because it “appears” to be witty. The sad fact is we often find ourselves laughing AT them more than with them. Their humor depends on the derision of some person, relationship or circumstance. The simple fact is that sarcasm requires a victim.

So what forms of sarcasm do you use? Carefully crafted cynicism, biting humor, irony, the roll of your eyes, a well timed sigh or groan, muttering under your breath. Under close examination each one is a form of sarcasm. Each intended to hurt, undermine or redirect the conversation.

Like any play ground bully, the office bully, the board room bully, and the living room bully are interested in reordering their worlds. They want to be “king of the mountain” and they will resort to sarcasm to take you down a notch. Sarcasm is after all contempt dressed up in fancy cloths.

And maybe that’s where we should start, with the contempt. After all sarcasm is a habit of speech that reveals attitude of the heart. What are the attitudes that give rise to sarcasm? Arrogance, insecurity, contempt, judgmentalism.

To deal with sarcasm one must address both the outward behavior and the underlying attitudes and beliefs.

Dr. Williams suggest four questions that help curb the expression of sarcasm and the underlying attitudes and beliefs which feed sarcasm

1. Is this comment true and accurate?
2. Is this comment kind and appropriate?
3. Is this comment necessary at this time and to this person?
4. Would this comment strengthen this relationship?

In years of working with emerging leaders I have found that sarcasm is one of the most common short cuts to power and influence that they are tempted to. And like most short cuts it is a blind ally leading no where. In fact sarcastic leaders often find themselves excluded and even unemployed – and oddly they are bewildered by this development. Let me suggest that in your next meeting you assign a couple of people to be sarcasm detectors – arming them with a buzzer or bell.

Call a moratorium on sarcasm, stop rewarding dysfunction, and begin to celebrate relationships, effectiveness, and creativity.