Over the years I have noticed how rites of passage have been delayed and diluted. This has serious implications for the formation of identity and the development of leadership. Often we wonder why someone seems "immature" or why they aren't at the place/stage we think they should be given their age or experience.
Exactly who gives these developmental gifts to young people to encourage them to be healthy, caring and responsible? What rites of passage need to occur for a youth to reach their potential? The follow list was formatted in the ToTheSource email newsletter I subscribe to.
EXTERNAL ASSETS
The young person’s family (1) provides high levels of love and support where (2) communication is positive, and the young person seeks advice and from parent(s). He or she (3) also has three or more non-parent adults they receive support from, along with (4) caring neighbors.
The young person’s school (5) provides a caring, encouraging environment where (6) the young person’s parent(s) are actively involved in helping them succeed in school.
The young person (7) perceives that adults in the community value youth. He or she (8) is given useful roles in the community, (9) serving one hour or more per week.
The young person (10) feels safe at home, at school, and in the neighborhood.
The young person’s family has (11) clear rules and consequences, and monitors the young person's whereabouts. The young person’s school also (12) provides clear rules and consequences. Neighbors (13) monitor the young people's behavior as well.
Parent(s) and other adults (14) model positive, responsible behavior, as does the young person’s (15) best friends.
Parent(s) and teachers (16) encourage the young person to do well. Besides school, he or she (17) spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts, another (18) three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in community organizations, and (19) one hour or more per week in activities in a religious institution.
The young person also spends lots of time at home with their family. He or she (20) is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.
INTERNAL ASSETS
The young person (21) is motivated to do well in school. He or she (22) is actively engaged in learning, doing (23) at least one hour of homework every school day and in general (24) cares about her or his school.
The young person (25) reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.
The young person (26) places high value on helping other people and (27) promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty.
The young person (28) acts on convictions and stands up for her or his beliefs, (29) "tells the truth even when it is not easy” and (30) accepts and takes personal responsibility.
The young person (31) believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.
The young person (32) knows how to plan ahead and make choices.
Interpersonally, the young person (33) has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills.
They also have (34) knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds.
They young person (35) can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations, (36) seeking to resolve conflict nonviolently.
The young person (37) feels he or she has control over "things that happen to me." They (38) report having a high self-esteem and (39) that "my life has a purpose."
Because of the above, the young person (40) is optimistic about her or his personal future.
for more information go to
The Search Institutes page on 40 Developmental Assests
or spiritual development center
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The Leadership Challenge
James Kouzes and Barry Posner developed a survey (The Leadership Practices Inventory) that asked people which, of a list of common characteristics of leaders, were, in their experiences of being led by others, the seven top things they look for, admire and would willingly follow. And over twenty years, they managed ask this of seventy five thousand people.
The results of the study showed that people preferred the following characteristics, in order:
* Honest
* Forward-looking
* Competent
* Inspiring
* Intelligent
* Fair-minded
* Broad-minded
* Supportive
* Straightforward
* Dependable
* Cooperative
* Determined
* Imaginative
* Ambitious
* Courageous
* Caring
* Mature
* Loyal
* Self-controlled
* Independent
The main part of the book discusses the five actions that Kouzes and Posner identify as being key for successful leadership:
Model the way
Modeling means going first, living the behaviors you want others to adopt. This is leading from the front. People will believe not what they hear leaders say but what they see leader consistently do.
Inspire a shared vision
People are motivated most not by fear or reward, but by ideas that capture their imagination.
Note that this is not so much about having a vision, but communicating it so effectively that others take it as their own.
Challenge the process
Leaders thrive on and learn from adversity and difficult situations. They are early adopters of innovation.
Enable others to act
Encouragement and exhortation is not enough. People must feel able to act and then must have the ability to put their ideas into action.
Encourage the heart
People act best of all when they are passionate about what they are doing. Leaders unleash the enthusiasm of their followers this with stories and passions of their own.
Overall, it is difficult to ignore the combined views of 75,000 people. The placing of honesty first is notable and highlights the importance of telling the truth to those they would lead. The overall process identified is clearly transformational in style, which again has a strong focus on followers.
http://changingminds.org/books/book_reviews/kouzes_posner.htm
The results of the study showed that people preferred the following characteristics, in order:
* Honest
* Forward-looking
* Competent
* Inspiring
* Intelligent
* Fair-minded
* Broad-minded
* Supportive
* Straightforward
* Dependable
* Cooperative
* Determined
* Imaginative
* Ambitious
* Courageous
* Caring
* Mature
* Loyal
* Self-controlled
* Independent
The main part of the book discusses the five actions that Kouzes and Posner identify as being key for successful leadership:
Model the way
Modeling means going first, living the behaviors you want others to adopt. This is leading from the front. People will believe not what they hear leaders say but what they see leader consistently do.
Inspire a shared vision
People are motivated most not by fear or reward, but by ideas that capture their imagination.
Note that this is not so much about having a vision, but communicating it so effectively that others take it as their own.
Challenge the process
Leaders thrive on and learn from adversity and difficult situations. They are early adopters of innovation.
Enable others to act
Encouragement and exhortation is not enough. People must feel able to act and then must have the ability to put their ideas into action.
Encourage the heart
People act best of all when they are passionate about what they are doing. Leaders unleash the enthusiasm of their followers this with stories and passions of their own.
Overall, it is difficult to ignore the combined views of 75,000 people. The placing of honesty first is notable and highlights the importance of telling the truth to those they would lead. The overall process identified is clearly transformational in style, which again has a strong focus on followers.
http://changingminds.org/books/book_reviews/kouzes_posner.htm
Transformational Leadership
Assumptions
People will follow a person who inspires them.
A person with vision and passion can achieve great things.
The way to get things done is by injecting enthusiasm and energy.
Style
Working for a Transformational Leader can be a wonderful and uplifting experience. They put passion and energy into everything. They care about you and want you to succeed.
Developing the vision
Transformational Leadership starts with the development of a vision, a view of the future that will excite and convert potential followers. This vision may be developed by the leader, by the senior team or may emerge from a broad series of discussions. The important factor is the leader buys into it, hook, line and sinker.
Selling the vision
The next step, which in fact never stops, is to constantly sell the vision. This takes energy and commitment, as few people will immediately buy into a radical vision, and some will join the show much more slowly than others. The Transformational Leader thus takes every opportunity and will use whatever works to convince others to climb on board the bandwagon.
In order to create followers, the Transformational Leader has to be very careful in creating trust, and their personal integrity is a critical part of the package that they are selling. In effect, they are selling themselves as well as the vision.
Finding the way forwards
In parallel with the selling activity is seeking the way forward. Some Transformational Leaders know the way, and simply want others to follow them. Others do not have a ready strategy, but will happily lead the exploration of possible routes to the promised land.
The route forwards may not be obvious and may not be plotted in details, but with a clear vision, the direction will always be known. Thus finding the way forward can be an ongoing process of course correction, and the Transformational Leader will accept that there will be failures and blind canyons along the way. As long as they feel progress is being made, they will be happy.
Leading the charge
The final stage is to remain up-front and central during the action. Transformational Leaders are always visible and will stand up to be counted rather than hide behind their troops. They show by their attitudes and actions how everyone else should behave. They also make continued efforts to motivate and rally their followers, constantly doing the rounds, listening, soothing and enthusing.
It is their unswerving commitment as much as anything else that keeps people going, particularly through the darker times when some may question whether the vision can ever be achieved. If the people do not believe that they can succeed, then their efforts will flag. The Transformational Leader seeks to infect and reinfect their followers with a high level of commitment to the vision.
One of the methods the Transformational Leader uses to sustain motivation is in the use of ceremonies, rituals and other cultural symbolism. Small changes get big hurrahs, pumping up their significance as indicators of real progress.
Overall, they balance their attention between action that creates progress and the mental state of their followers. Perhaps more than other approaches, they are people-oriented and believe that success comes first and last through deep and sustained commitment.
Discussion
Whilst the Transformational Leader seeks overtly to transform the organization, there is also a tacit promise to followers that they also will be transformed in some way, perhaps to be more like this amazing leader. In some respects, then, the followers are the product of the transformation.
Transformational Leaders are often charismatic, but are not as narcissistic as pure Charismatic Leaders, who succeed through a believe in themselves rather than a believe in others.
One of the traps of Transformational Leadership is that passion and confidence can easily be mistaken for truth and reality. Whilst it is true that great things have been achieved through enthusiastic leadership, it is also true that many passionate people have led the charge right over the cliff and into a bottomless chasm. Just because someone believes they are right, it does not mean they are right.
Paradoxically, the energy that gets people going can also cause them to give up. Transformational Leaders often have large amounts of enthusiasm which, if relentlessly applied, can wear out their followers.
Transformational Leaders also tend to see the big picture, but not the details, where the devil often lurks. If they do not have people to take care of this level of information, then they are usually doomed to fail.
Finally, Transformational Leaders, by definition, seek to transform. When the organization does not need transforming and people are happy as they are, then such a leader will be frustrated. Like wartime leaders, however, given the right situation they come into their own and can be personally responsible for saving entire companies.
Bass, B. M. (1985). Leadership and performance beyond expectation. New York: Free Press.
Bass, B. M. (1990). From transactional to transformational leadership: Learning to share the vision. Organizational Dynamics, (Winter): 19-31.
Burns, J. M. (1978). Leadership. New York: Harper & Row
http://changingminds.org/disciplines/leadership/styles/transformational_leadership.htm
People will follow a person who inspires them.
A person with vision and passion can achieve great things.
The way to get things done is by injecting enthusiasm and energy.
Style
Working for a Transformational Leader can be a wonderful and uplifting experience. They put passion and energy into everything. They care about you and want you to succeed.
Developing the vision
Transformational Leadership starts with the development of a vision, a view of the future that will excite and convert potential followers. This vision may be developed by the leader, by the senior team or may emerge from a broad series of discussions. The important factor is the leader buys into it, hook, line and sinker.
Selling the vision
The next step, which in fact never stops, is to constantly sell the vision. This takes energy and commitment, as few people will immediately buy into a radical vision, and some will join the show much more slowly than others. The Transformational Leader thus takes every opportunity and will use whatever works to convince others to climb on board the bandwagon.
In order to create followers, the Transformational Leader has to be very careful in creating trust, and their personal integrity is a critical part of the package that they are selling. In effect, they are selling themselves as well as the vision.
Finding the way forwards
In parallel with the selling activity is seeking the way forward. Some Transformational Leaders know the way, and simply want others to follow them. Others do not have a ready strategy, but will happily lead the exploration of possible routes to the promised land.
The route forwards may not be obvious and may not be plotted in details, but with a clear vision, the direction will always be known. Thus finding the way forward can be an ongoing process of course correction, and the Transformational Leader will accept that there will be failures and blind canyons along the way. As long as they feel progress is being made, they will be happy.
Leading the charge
The final stage is to remain up-front and central during the action. Transformational Leaders are always visible and will stand up to be counted rather than hide behind their troops. They show by their attitudes and actions how everyone else should behave. They also make continued efforts to motivate and rally their followers, constantly doing the rounds, listening, soothing and enthusing.
It is their unswerving commitment as much as anything else that keeps people going, particularly through the darker times when some may question whether the vision can ever be achieved. If the people do not believe that they can succeed, then their efforts will flag. The Transformational Leader seeks to infect and reinfect their followers with a high level of commitment to the vision.
One of the methods the Transformational Leader uses to sustain motivation is in the use of ceremonies, rituals and other cultural symbolism. Small changes get big hurrahs, pumping up their significance as indicators of real progress.
Overall, they balance their attention between action that creates progress and the mental state of their followers. Perhaps more than other approaches, they are people-oriented and believe that success comes first and last through deep and sustained commitment.
Discussion
Whilst the Transformational Leader seeks overtly to transform the organization, there is also a tacit promise to followers that they also will be transformed in some way, perhaps to be more like this amazing leader. In some respects, then, the followers are the product of the transformation.
Transformational Leaders are often charismatic, but are not as narcissistic as pure Charismatic Leaders, who succeed through a believe in themselves rather than a believe in others.
One of the traps of Transformational Leadership is that passion and confidence can easily be mistaken for truth and reality. Whilst it is true that great things have been achieved through enthusiastic leadership, it is also true that many passionate people have led the charge right over the cliff and into a bottomless chasm. Just because someone believes they are right, it does not mean they are right.
Paradoxically, the energy that gets people going can also cause them to give up. Transformational Leaders often have large amounts of enthusiasm which, if relentlessly applied, can wear out their followers.
Transformational Leaders also tend to see the big picture, but not the details, where the devil often lurks. If they do not have people to take care of this level of information, then they are usually doomed to fail.
Finally, Transformational Leaders, by definition, seek to transform. When the organization does not need transforming and people are happy as they are, then such a leader will be frustrated. Like wartime leaders, however, given the right situation they come into their own and can be personally responsible for saving entire companies.
Bass, B. M. (1985). Leadership and performance beyond expectation. New York: Free Press.
Bass, B. M. (1990). From transactional to transformational leadership: Learning to share the vision. Organizational Dynamics, (Winter): 19-31.
Burns, J. M. (1978). Leadership. New York: Harper & Row
http://changingminds.org/disciplines/leadership/styles/transformational_leadership.htm
Bass' Transformational Leadership Theory
Bass defines transformational leadership in terms of how the leader affects followers, who are intended to trust, admire and respect the transformational leader.
He identified three ways in which leaders transform followers:
Below are a number of behaviors common to transformational leadership
TRANSFORMATIONAL
Bass, B. M. (1990). From transactional to transformational leadership: Learning to share the vision. Organizational Dynamics, (Winter): 19-31.
Bass, B. M. and Steidlmeier, P. (1998). Ethics, Character and Authentic Transformational Leadership, at: http://cls.binghamton.edu/BassSteid.html
http://changingminds.org/disciplines/leadership/theories/bass_transformational.htm
He identified three ways in which leaders transform followers:
- Increasing their awareness of task importance and value.
- Getting them to focus first on team or organizational goals, rather than their own interests.
- Activating their higher-order needs.
- Idealized influence
- Inspirational motivation
- Intellectual stimulation
- Individualized consideration
- The moral character of the leader.
- The ethical values embedded in the leader’s vision, articulation, and program (which followers either embrace or reject).
- The morality of the processes of social ethical choice and action that leaders and followers engage in and collectively pursue.
Below are a number of behaviors common to transformational leadership
TRANSFORMATIONAL
- BUILDS ON THE NEED FOR MEANING
- PRE-OCCUPIED WITH POWER AND POSITION,
- POLITICS AND PERKS
- SWAMPED IN DAILY AFFAIRS
- ORIENTED TO SHORT-TERM GOALS AND
- SEPARATES CAUSES AND SYMPTOMS AND
- WORKS AT PREVENTION AND IS CONCERNED WITH TREATMENT
- FOCUSES ON TACTICAL ISSUES
- MAKES FULL USE OF AVAILABLE RESOURCES
- (HUMAN) HUMAN INTERACTIONS
- FOLLOWS AND FULFILS ROLE EXPECTATIONS
- HUMAN POTENTIAL WITHIN CURRENT SYSTEMS
- SUPPORTS STRUCTURES AND SYSTEMS THAT REINFORCE OVER-ARCHING VALUES AND GOALS
Bass, B. M. (1990). From transactional to transformational leadership: Learning to share the vision. Organizational Dynamics, (Winter): 19-31.
Bass, B. M. and Steidlmeier, P. (1998). Ethics, Character and Authentic Transformational Leadership, at: http://cls.binghamton.edu/BassSteid.html
http://changingminds.org/disciplines/leadership/theories/bass_transformational.htm
Saturday, December 09, 2006
What is Spiritual Leadership?
It differs from plain, ol' leadership. Henry Blackaby's checklist.
by Henry and Richard Blackaby
While spiritual leadership involves many of the same principles as general leadership, spiritual leadership has certain distinctive qualities that must be understood and practiced if spiritual leaders are to be successful.
—from Spiritual Leadership
by Henry and Richard Blackaby
(Broadman & Holman, 2001)
http://www.christianitytoday.com/bcl/areas/leadership/articles/le-2003-001-22.13.html
by Henry and Richard Blackaby
While spiritual leadership involves many of the same principles as general leadership, spiritual leadership has certain distinctive qualities that must be understood and practiced if spiritual leaders are to be successful.
- The spiritual leader's task is to move people from where they are to where God wants them to be. This is influence. Once spiritual leaders understand God's will, they make every effort to move their followers from following their own agendas to pursuing God's purposes. People who fail to move people to God's agenda have not led. They may have exhorted, cajoled, pleaded, or bullied, but they will not have led until their people have adjusted their lives to God's will.
- Spiritual leaders depend on the Holy Spirit. Spiritual leaders work within a paradox, for God calls them to do something that, in fact, only God can do. Ultimately, spiritual leaders cannot produce spiritual change in people; only the Holy Spirit can accomplish this. Yet the Spirit often uses people to bring about spiritual growth in others.
- Spiritual leaders are accountable to God. Spiritual leadership necessitates an acute sense of accountability. Just as a teacher has not taught until students have learned, leaders don't blame their followers when they don't do what they should do. Leaders don't make excuses. They assume their responsibility is to move people to do God's will.
- Spiritual leaders can influence all people, not just God's people. God's agenda applies to the marketplace as well as the meeting place. Although spiritual leaders will generally move God's people to achieve God's purposes, God can use them to exert significant godly influence upon unbelievers.
- Spiritual leaders work from God's agenda. The greatest obstacle to effective spiritual leadership is people pursuing their own agendas rather than seeking God's will.
—from Spiritual Leadership
by Henry and Richard Blackaby
(Broadman & Holman, 2001)
http://www.christianitytoday.com/bcl/areas/leadership/articles/le-2003-001-22.13.html
Friday, December 08, 2006
Servant Leadership
Robert Greenleaf is the leader that many others have built their work upon. He gives credit to Jesus for originating the practice of servant leadership, but it is Greenleaf that has unpacked the meaning of servant leadership for us today.
After carefully considering Greenleaf's original writings, Larry Spears, CEO of the Greenleaf Center has identified a set of 10 characteristics that he views as being critical to the development of servant-leaders. These 10 are by no means exhaustive. However, they serve to communicate the power and promise that this concept offers:
http://www.ianrpubs.unl.edu/epublic/pages/index.jsp?what=publicationD&publicationId=200
http://leadertoleader.org/leaderbooks/L2L/fall2004/spears.html
http://ctb.ku.edu/tools/EN/sub_section_main_1121.htm
After carefully considering Greenleaf's original writings, Larry Spears, CEO of the Greenleaf Center has identified a set of 10 characteristics that he views as being critical to the development of servant-leaders. These 10 are by no means exhaustive. However, they serve to communicate the power and promise that this concept offers:
- Listening - Traditionally, leaders have been valued for their communication and decision making skills. Servant-leaders must reinforce these important skills by making a deep commitment to listening intently to others. Servant-leaders seek to identify and clarify the will of a group. They seek to listen receptively to what is being and said (and not said). Listening also encompasses getting in touch with one's inner voice, and seeking to understand what one's body, spirit, and mind are communicating.
- Empathy - Servant-leaders strive to understand and empathize with others. People need to be accepted and recognized for their special and unique spirit. One must assume the good intentions of coworkers and not reject them as people, even when forced to reject their behavior or performance.
- Healing- Learning to heal is a powerful force for transformation and integration. One of the great strengths of servant-leadership is the potential for healing one's self and others. In "The Servant as Leader", Greenleaf writes, "There is something subtle communicated to one who is being served and led if, implicit in the compact between the servant-leader and led is the understanding that the search for wholeness is something that they have."
- Awareness - General awareness, and especially self-awareness, strengthens the servant-leader. Making a commitment to foster awareness can be scary--one never knows what one may discover! As Greenleaf observed, "Awareness is not a giver of solace - it's just the opposite. It disturbed. They are not seekers of solace. They have their own inner security."
- Persuasion - Servant-leaders rely on persuasion, rather than positional authority in making decisions. Servant-leaders seek to convince others, rather than coerce compliance. This particular element offers one of the clearest distinctions between the traditional authoritarian model and that of servant-leadership. The servant-leader is effective at building consensus within groups.
- Conceptualization - Servant-leaders seek to nurture their abilities to "dream great dreams." The ability to look at a problem (or an organization) from a conceptualizing perspective means that one must think beyond day-to-day realities. Servant-leaders must seek a delicate balance between conceptualization and day-to-day focus.
- Foresight - Foresight is a characteristic that enables servant-leaders to understand lessons from the past, the realities of the present, and the likely consequence of a decision in the future. It is deeply rooted in the intuitive mind.
- Stewardship - Robert Greenleaf's view of all institutions was one in which CEO's, staff, directors, and trustees all play significant roles in holding their institutions in trust for the greater good of society.
- Commitment to the Growth of People - Servant-leaders believe that people have an intrinsic value beyond their tangible contributions as workers. As such, Servant-leaders are deeply committed to a personal, professional, and spiritual growth of each and every individual within the organization.
- Building Community - Servant-leaders are aware that the shift from local communities to large institutions as the primary shaper of human lives has changed our perceptions and caused a sense of loss. Servant-leaders seek to identify a means for building community among those who work within a given institution.
http://www.ianrpubs.unl.edu/epublic/pages/index.jsp?what=publicationD&publicationId=200
http://leadertoleader.org/leaderbooks/L2L/fall2004/spears.html
http://ctb.ku.edu/tools/EN/sub_section_main_1121.htm
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Milk or Cornflakes?
Do you want milk or cornflakes?
well... I want cornflakes - but I want it with milk. (unless your my son - he likes dry cornflakes)
Most of us think about leader development and leadership development in the way we think of milk and cornflakes – together in a bowl – cornflakes kind of assume that milk will be added. They come in separate containers, they have very different properties and each can be used in many different ways (I prefer my cornflakes in a peanut butter square not in a bowl of milk)
What are the properties of Leader development and Leadership development? Which one is the milk, which one is the cornflakes?
Leader Development
Leader development focuses on the development of the leader, such as the personal attributes desired in a leader, desired ways of behaving, ways of thinking or feeling.
Typically, leader development has focused on 3 main areas - providing the opportunities for development, stimulating the ability to develop (including motivation, skills and knowledge for change), and providing a supportive context for change to occur.
When I attend a seminar, teach a course, or participate in a coaching relationship I am engaged in Leader Development. The focus is on the individual. I think of it as the corn flakes.
Leadership development
In contrast Leadership Development focuses on the delivery systems needed for identifying and equipping leaders and should emphasize creating a healthy and motivating context for exercising leadership. This is the milk, the stuff the cornflake float in.
Leadership development focuses on the development of leadership as a process. This will include the social influence process and the team dynamics between the leader and his/her team at the dyad level, the contextual factors surrounding the team such as the perception of the organizational climate and the social network linkages between the team and other groups in the organization.
Locus of responsibility
As leaders we are ALWAYS responsible for our own growth. If I am not developing my leadership capacity the first and last person responsible for this is ME. Of course we hope others will create opportunities for personal growth as a leader. And as leaders we often have the privilege of providing training and growth for others. But ultimately each leader must accept responsibility for their personal development.
Leadership development is about the air we breath – it is the milk for the corn flakes. As leaders and organizations we accept responsibility for creating systems and contexts in which leaders thrive and can experience leader development. It is less clear who is responsible for Leadership Development in most organizations. Certainly the key leaders, owners and the governing board bear this ultimate responsibility. Sometimes elements of leadership development can be delegated to someone. But we must often be reminded that we are responsible for the climate we create for any one who follows us. Even if our organization is weak at leadership or leader development. Those who are counting on us should be able to thrive. If you are having a difficult time figuring out who is responsible for Leadership development in your organization change the question. Ask who is depending on my to create a leadership development culture.
Key questions
If your church or organization is experiencing a leader gap…
well... I want cornflakes - but I want it with milk. (unless your my son - he likes dry cornflakes)
Most of us think about leader development and leadership development in the way we think of milk and cornflakes – together in a bowl – cornflakes kind of assume that milk will be added. They come in separate containers, they have very different properties and each can be used in many different ways (I prefer my cornflakes in a peanut butter square not in a bowl of milk)
What are the properties of Leader development and Leadership development? Which one is the milk, which one is the cornflakes?
Leader Development
Leader development focuses on the development of the leader, such as the personal attributes desired in a leader, desired ways of behaving, ways of thinking or feeling.
Typically, leader development has focused on 3 main areas - providing the opportunities for development, stimulating the ability to develop (including motivation, skills and knowledge for change), and providing a supportive context for change to occur.
When I attend a seminar, teach a course, or participate in a coaching relationship I am engaged in Leader Development. The focus is on the individual. I think of it as the corn flakes.
Leadership development
In contrast Leadership Development focuses on the delivery systems needed for identifying and equipping leaders and should emphasize creating a healthy and motivating context for exercising leadership. This is the milk, the stuff the cornflake float in.
Leadership development focuses on the development of leadership as a process. This will include the social influence process and the team dynamics between the leader and his/her team at the dyad level, the contextual factors surrounding the team such as the perception of the organizational climate and the social network linkages between the team and other groups in the organization.
Locus of responsibility
As leaders we are ALWAYS responsible for our own growth. If I am not developing my leadership capacity the first and last person responsible for this is ME. Of course we hope others will create opportunities for personal growth as a leader. And as leaders we often have the privilege of providing training and growth for others. But ultimately each leader must accept responsibility for their personal development.
Leadership development is about the air we breath – it is the milk for the corn flakes. As leaders and organizations we accept responsibility for creating systems and contexts in which leaders thrive and can experience leader development. It is less clear who is responsible for Leadership Development in most organizations. Certainly the key leaders, owners and the governing board bear this ultimate responsibility. Sometimes elements of leadership development can be delegated to someone. But we must often be reminded that we are responsible for the climate we create for any one who follows us. Even if our organization is weak at leadership or leader development. Those who are counting on us should be able to thrive. If you are having a difficult time figuring out who is responsible for Leadership development in your organization change the question. Ask who is depending on my to create a leadership development culture.
Key questions
If your church or organization is experiencing a leader gap…
- Is it because of the leaders and their training and ability?
- or is it because the context is not encouraging / empowering leadership?
Mentoring vs. Coaching
People often ask me about the differences between mentoring and coaching. Robert Clinton - a mentoring guru would say that coaching is a form of mentoring. This makes “mentoring” the genre and “coaching” a subset of mentoring. I appreciate Clinton’s theoretical thinking, but practically most of us treat mentoring and coaching as subsets of "personal growth relationships” With that in mind I want to respond to the genuine question, "What's the difference between mentoring and coaching.
Mentoring
At a practical level most of our personal growth relationships are a blend of mentoring and coaching. Sometimes this blend is intentional. More often this blend is lazy. The question I want to pose is “What do you really need, a Mentor or a Coach?”
Mentoring vs. Coaching
What's the difference?
What's the difference?
Mentoring
- Focus on formation
- Agenda / content often set by the mentor
- Mentor is very transparent and shares a lot of themselves
- Mentor offers wisdom and resources
- Accountability is to the mentor
- Focus on goals or outcomes
- Agenda set by the “player” or the context
- Coach constantly redirects the focus onto the “player”
- Coach assists “player” in identifying need and locating resources.
- Accountability is to the “players” action plan
At a practical level most of our personal growth relationships are a blend of mentoring and coaching. Sometimes this blend is intentional. More often this blend is lazy. The question I want to pose is “What do you really need, a Mentor or a Coach?”
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Funding the imagination
Leaders "fund" the imagination of the people they lead. But who funds the imagination of leaders. I subscribe to a number of email newsletters and web based resources. One is titled Building Church Leaders. it is designed to help leaders nurture and equip other leaders. About 1/3 of the time I find it useful or relevant to me. Check it out at Building Church Leaders
Monday, March 13, 2006
Making the Most of Leadership Mistakes
I trust you are familiar with the orange covered "...for dummies" books. (my wife wanted to write a "Football for Mommies" book in the same style as a fund raiser for our sons team) Well, these books often serve au a bunch of treasures if you are willing to skip over the trash. Check out the article Making the Most of Leadership Mistakes found in "Leadership for Dummies". It’s worth the read.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Motivated by Starbucks (or What Motivates Younger Leaders)
What motivates you? The great Olympian Eric Liddell (remember the 80’s movie chariots of fire?) is quoted as answering the question “what motivates you to run” with these words, “When I run I feel the Lords pleasure”
In How I Answer The Big Question I identify how many younger leaders are NOT motivated. So what does motivate?
Most of us hate being stereotyped and categorized. We don’t want to be lumped in with everyone else (even if they are just like me). We want to be understood as unique individuals. The result is we are motivated by people who value us, and understand our uniqueness. That said, we don’t want to be isolated or atomized, but want to be recognized as part of a community)
While we often hate to admit it we are also a generation with a craving for relationship (ever notice how Starbucks is trying to sell community and relationship). Someone noted that when the “first wave of latchkey kids to hit the work force. They are homesick for the home they never had (due to both parents working).” Their focus on relationships and strong sense of community
Training is one of the best motivators. In an information age we have developed a tremendous capacity to process lots of information and concentrate on multiple tasks. Of course the flip side is especially true of leaders, we get bored easily. The truth is much of life is an exercise in the routine and we must find greater purpose in our life and work than being constantly stimulated
I for one am motivated by TEAM. I hate committees (and people who call committees teams annoy me) and spinning my wheels talking about something for the third or fourth time (committee meetings are the worst). Lets dig in, do the work, and move on.
Younger leaders thrive on Feedback and Recognition. While it may be un satisfied hunger for affirmation from childhood, it is more likely a way life, constantly testing their ideas and the quality of their work so they can tweak it and improve it. This feed back loop needs to be quick and the celebration of growth needs to be frequent.
At work I have what I call my “Starbucks budget line” With this budget line I take people out to coach someone, to debrief events, to celebrate achievements, and to just spend time building relationship. I often give a Starbucks gift card to express appreciation or recognize accomplishment. So while it might sound trite or trendy I hope you understand that when I say I am motivated by Starbucks you realize that I am not talking about the coffee.
In How I Answer The Big Question I identify how many younger leaders are NOT motivated. So what does motivate?
Most of us hate being stereotyped and categorized. We don’t want to be lumped in with everyone else (even if they are just like me). We want to be understood as unique individuals. The result is we are motivated by people who value us, and understand our uniqueness. That said, we don’t want to be isolated or atomized, but want to be recognized as part of a community)
While we often hate to admit it we are also a generation with a craving for relationship (ever notice how Starbucks is trying to sell community and relationship). Someone noted that when the “first wave of latchkey kids to hit the work force. They are homesick for the home they never had (due to both parents working).” Their focus on relationships and strong sense of community
Training is one of the best motivators. In an information age we have developed a tremendous capacity to process lots of information and concentrate on multiple tasks. Of course the flip side is especially true of leaders, we get bored easily. The truth is much of life is an exercise in the routine and we must find greater purpose in our life and work than being constantly stimulated
I for one am motivated by TEAM. I hate committees (and people who call committees teams annoy me) and spinning my wheels talking about something for the third or fourth time (committee meetings are the worst). Lets dig in, do the work, and move on.
Younger leaders thrive on Feedback and Recognition. While it may be un satisfied hunger for affirmation from childhood, it is more likely a way life, constantly testing their ideas and the quality of their work so they can tweak it and improve it. This feed back loop needs to be quick and the celebration of growth needs to be frequent.
At work I have what I call my “Starbucks budget line” With this budget line I take people out to coach someone, to debrief events, to celebrate achievements, and to just spend time building relationship. I often give a Starbucks gift card to express appreciation or recognize accomplishment. So while it might sound trite or trendy I hope you understand that when I say I am motivated by Starbucks you realize that I am not talking about the coffee.
How I answer THE big question (or what doesn’t motivate younger leaders)
If you were to sell everything to do something or be part of something, what would that something be? This is THE big question that we answer with every minute of every day. How we live our lives is the answer to this question. But the reality is that most of us are not giving much attention to this question, and because of that we don’t live our lives in a purposeful way.
If you are 40 and younger you probably won't do things because you have a deep sense of loyalty to an organization. Organizational politics and bureaucracy exasperate you. And because you watched your parents sell their souls to the company store, only to be downsized or restructured in the most Machiavellian way, you deeply mistrust institutions. You probably believe that “work is a thing you do to have a life” and that “work doesn't define your life” (my apologies if I have over stated my case).
Has a supervisor ever raised the “company flag” or played the “loyalty card” on you? It might have sounded like this... "Your behavior is affecting the company and if you don't change, we won't be in business in very long." This probably meant little to you, it didn't stir feelings (except maybe resentment) it didn't capture your interest, it certainly didn't make you inquisitive, and it probably did little to encourage a change of behavior or a new set of actions.
Those of us under 40 have little expectation of job security. So we often see jobs more as learning opportunities than as a retirement plan. When we stop learning or are unable to apply our knowledge and skills it is time to move on. As soon as we feel a job is a dead we stamp a "best before” date on it, and are on your way out. It’s not that we are not loyal, we are loyal to something other than the organization.
SOOOOOOOOO. Here is where the rubber hits the road – as a leader, making things happen is your responsibility. If you want to follow, find a great leader or apply at a temp agency.
NOTE you may want to check out a related article called Motivated by Starbucks
If you are 40 and younger you probably won't do things because you have a deep sense of loyalty to an organization. Organizational politics and bureaucracy exasperate you. And because you watched your parents sell their souls to the company store, only to be downsized or restructured in the most Machiavellian way, you deeply mistrust institutions. You probably believe that “work is a thing you do to have a life” and that “work doesn't define your life” (my apologies if I have over stated my case).
Has a supervisor ever raised the “company flag” or played the “loyalty card” on you? It might have sounded like this... "Your behavior is affecting the company and if you don't change, we won't be in business in very long." This probably meant little to you, it didn't stir feelings (except maybe resentment) it didn't capture your interest, it certainly didn't make you inquisitive, and it probably did little to encourage a change of behavior or a new set of actions.
Those of us under 40 have little expectation of job security. So we often see jobs more as learning opportunities than as a retirement plan. When we stop learning or are unable to apply our knowledge and skills it is time to move on. As soon as we feel a job is a dead we stamp a "best before” date on it, and are on your way out. It’s not that we are not loyal, we are loyal to something other than the organization.
SOOOOOOOOO. Here is where the rubber hits the road – as a leader, making things happen is your responsibility. If you want to follow, find a great leader or apply at a temp agency.
1. What initiative are you taking to be a learner? If learning is important to you then the ball is in your court what steps are you taking? What opportunities are you looking for (or creating)? What personal sacrifices will you make to learn something of great value?As a leader the most important person you will lead is your self. Self leadership is hard work because we are often poor at following our own advice or following though on our own plan. The greatest gift you can give to those you lead is to intentionally engage in self leadership.
2. What do you believe in? How are you connecting your commitments to your work? How are you filling your work with meaning?
3. What goals are you setting, what challenges are you seeking? Do those you work with and work for know about your goals? Do they know about what you want to learn, what you believe in and what you are committed to? Your coworkers and supervisors can’t read you mind (but they can read your body language), you will have to become a communicator. Effective communicators often over communicate (because most of us are inattentive or distracted or uninterested) to be sure that message sent is message received.
NOTE you may want to check out a related article called Motivated by Starbucks
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
5 Essentials for Teambuilding
In my post "Do you have what it takes to get the job done?" I emphasized the importance of having the necessary elements in place for effectiveness, Authority, Responsibility and Means. In fact, I would suggest that any person lacking one of these three elements has become a consultant and any team lacking one or more of these essential elements is a committee.
But, assuming that responsibility, means and authority are all in place what are some essentials for healthy and effective functioning. Below are some of my essentials. But before you keep reading, stop and list at least 3 essentials for healthy and effective team functioning. If one of your three isn't listed below, please post a comment and enlarge our understanding and practice.
Team requires a shared purpose - this isn't rocket science, but it can be as rare as rocket science. I don't care what you call it, a mission, a purpose, a goal, you have to have it. An effective team is about getting something done. Name that thing in a sentence that everyone can understand and you have established a solid launching pad.
A Team requires a team leader - Leadership is not about control or power, it is about accepting responsibility for helping the team achieve its purpose. In the absence of leadership team members become distracted from their role on the team, they may be angling for leadership or trying to avoid it, regardless they are misdirecting their energy. Often leaderless teams experience the disappointment of not realizing their purpose. And even more frequently team members drop out or disengage from participation because the team climate is not a safe place to exercise their giftedness. A last note - people are often hesitant or resistant to joining leaderless teams.
Team requires clear roles - Teams have many and varied makeup’s, in order to ensure that responsibilities are carried out with greatest effect and least confusion each team member should understand and be able to articulate what their role is. In like fashion each team member should be able to accurately describe other team member’s roles. Think about a sports team, everyone knows what position they play in volleyball. It wouldn't do for every one to try to be the setter and every one try to be a blocker. Clarity of roles is essential to reaching our goals. (I didn't mean for that to rhyme)
Team requires clear boundaries (what don’t we do)- in life and work there is often the temptation to venture into areas that are out of bounds. When we do this we usually get into trouble. Clear boundaries say where our team won't go, and what our team won't do. This is important as the team tries to stay focused on its primary purpose. Boundary creep (that’s a movement not a person) causes our purposes to grow beyond the responsibility and authority of the team.
Team requires relationship - This one is last because it is most important - if you remember nothing else remember this. Relationship is the oil that keeps the team working smoothly. Ask yourself a few questions
1. Do you intentionally build fun and joy into you work
2. Do you celebrate every time you are together
3. Do you encourage and affirm each other for WHO YOU ARE more than WHAT YOU DO?
4. Do you practice healthy conflict resolution?
In my experience true team work is rare. Imagine what we could get done if half of all committees where transformed into effective teams. Consider what it would take to transform a dysfunctional into an effective team.
But, assuming that responsibility, means and authority are all in place what are some essentials for healthy and effective functioning. Below are some of my essentials. But before you keep reading, stop and list at least 3 essentials for healthy and effective team functioning. If one of your three isn't listed below, please post a comment and enlarge our understanding and practice.
Team requires a shared purpose - this isn't rocket science, but it can be as rare as rocket science. I don't care what you call it, a mission, a purpose, a goal, you have to have it. An effective team is about getting something done. Name that thing in a sentence that everyone can understand and you have established a solid launching pad.
A Team requires a team leader - Leadership is not about control or power, it is about accepting responsibility for helping the team achieve its purpose. In the absence of leadership team members become distracted from their role on the team, they may be angling for leadership or trying to avoid it, regardless they are misdirecting their energy. Often leaderless teams experience the disappointment of not realizing their purpose. And even more frequently team members drop out or disengage from participation because the team climate is not a safe place to exercise their giftedness. A last note - people are often hesitant or resistant to joining leaderless teams.
Team requires clear roles - Teams have many and varied makeup’s, in order to ensure that responsibilities are carried out with greatest effect and least confusion each team member should understand and be able to articulate what their role is. In like fashion each team member should be able to accurately describe other team member’s roles. Think about a sports team, everyone knows what position they play in volleyball. It wouldn't do for every one to try to be the setter and every one try to be a blocker. Clarity of roles is essential to reaching our goals. (I didn't mean for that to rhyme)
Team requires clear boundaries (what don’t we do)- in life and work there is often the temptation to venture into areas that are out of bounds. When we do this we usually get into trouble. Clear boundaries say where our team won't go, and what our team won't do. This is important as the team tries to stay focused on its primary purpose. Boundary creep (that’s a movement not a person) causes our purposes to grow beyond the responsibility and authority of the team.
Team requires relationship - This one is last because it is most important - if you remember nothing else remember this. Relationship is the oil that keeps the team working smoothly. Ask yourself a few questions
1. Do you intentionally build fun and joy into you work
2. Do you celebrate every time you are together
3. Do you encourage and affirm each other for WHO YOU ARE more than WHAT YOU DO?
4. Do you practice healthy conflict resolution?
In my experience true team work is rare. Imagine what we could get done if half of all committees where transformed into effective teams. Consider what it would take to transform a dysfunctional into an effective team.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
"Follow the Leader" is not child's play
Long ago I discovered that in order to be a good leader I needed to be a good follower. After all, is it often when you are following that you have the best opportunity to observe someone else lead. To often I’ve wasted the opportunity to learn when I was following, I haven’t been attentive to what the leader was doing, I wasn’t learning from their successes or mistakes. Observing leaders and learning from then can be hard work.
Sometimes we don't have a choice in who leads us. But often we can choose where we are involved, and when that is the case, we have the opportunity to choose whom we will follow. Below are some of the things I look for in someone I want to follow. This is my list, what’s on your list? Who are you following?
So, follow someone you want to smell like! Take an inventory of those you follow. They are key influencers, how are they leading? They are shaping your life, what are you becoming? As you take the lead, you will reveal whom you have been following. In ways that my surprise you, you will walk, talk and smell like those you have followed.
The moral of the story
If you carpool with a smoker you will smell like smoke
If your roommate cooks with curry you will smell like curry
If you follow... you will smell like...
If you follow Jesus you will be the aroma of Christ 2 Corinthians 2
[leadership]
Sometimes we don't have a choice in who leads us. But often we can choose where we are involved, and when that is the case, we have the opportunity to choose whom we will follow. Below are some of the things I look for in someone I want to follow. This is my list, what’s on your list? Who are you following?
· Follow leaders who value you for who you are as a person AND what you contribute to our shared goals. I want to be part of a team, and I find it easy to follow leaders who use the word "WE" a lot.I had a friend who lived in an apartment near the university. Paul's building was filled with international students from India. As you could imagine, the smell of curried cooking filled the air (I love curry). When Paul got into my car, he smelled like curry, and I wasn't the least bit surprised when he made curried chicken over the campfire on a canoe trip.
· Follow leaders who want to make a difference. Do the use the language of change and vision of the future? I am not interested in just being busy. I want to be part of something bigger and more compelling than what I can do on my own.
· Follow leaders who call for and expect dedication and sacrifice. Jesus has loads of sayings that call for great personal sacrifice. "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it." mark 16
· Follow leaders who are principled and whose decisions are consistent with values you embrace. This may sound obvious but history offers SOOOOO many examples of superb and effective leaders who self destructed and hurt many people when they acted inconsistently with their values and the values of those they led. Enough said.
So, follow someone you want to smell like! Take an inventory of those you follow. They are key influencers, how are they leading? They are shaping your life, what are you becoming? As you take the lead, you will reveal whom you have been following. In ways that my surprise you, you will walk, talk and smell like those you have followed.
The moral of the story
If you carpool with a smoker you will smell like smoke
If your roommate cooks with curry you will smell like curry
If you follow... you will smell like...
If you follow Jesus you will be the aroma of Christ 2 Corinthians 2
[leadership]
Do you have what it takes to get the job done?
Today I was asked to join a meeting in progress. Around the table were six people, each very different. Different by temperament, different by role and authority, different in accountability. Every one was concerned about a common purpose. There was a chair for the meeting and participants had clearly defined tasks relating to this common purpose. But something was odd.
It soon became clear that responsibilities overlapped and that lines of authority were a little blurry. The only thing that was truly clear was the budget constraints that participants had to live within. Well, I guess one out of three ain't bad.
I may as well start this blog with a concept that is, for me, foundational. Always be clear about means, authority and responsibility. I am sure that I have heard this from some expert or source, or at least from someone more experience than I, but I can’t tell you who. This concept has become one of my ten commandments in leadership and teamwork.
Means (noun) - how a result is obtained or an end is achieved; an instrumentality for accomplishing some end. (means, agency, way)
Means specifically refers to the resources (people, talent, finances, time) necessary to achieve the desired outcome. If I ask "do you have the means to get the job done" I am NOT asking about authority or responsibility, I want to find out if you have the necessary resources.
Authority (noun) - the power or right to give or make decisions and delegate responsibility.
Authority refers to the source of permission; the ability to make a decision independent of the power to enforce a decision. Authority need not be consistent or rational (though it really, really helps), it only needs to be accepted as a source of permission or truth. If I ask, "Do you have the authority to make this decision?" I am not asking about means or responsibility, I want to find out if the buck stops with you. You may find that you have delegated authority. That’s just fine, provided that it is clearly understood by every one. I call this kind of authority "initiative". The buck ultimately stops with someone else, but they have granted enough authority to you that you have the ability to make all of the necessary decisions without going back to them to get more authority.
Responsibility (noun) - The idea is that one is entrusted with achieving or maintaining an assigned duty, charge, or outcome; an obligation to perform assigned activities. Responsibility is distinct from accountability.
A supervisor can assign responsibility but cannot give away his or her accountability: the supervisor is ultimately responsible. So, if I ask "are you responsible for this?" I am not asking if you are the source of authority, or if you have the resources to do the job. I want to know if the initiative for getting the work done is yours.
Whenever I am volunteering, when I accept a new job, whenever I am part of a team or committee or board, whenever I start something new I make it my first order of business to clarify authority, responsibility and means. This is something I find out, not just for my own curiosity or confidence, I find this information out so I can function with clarity in all of my roles and relationships. So, do you have what it takes?
Finally, I am very cautious about venturing into territory where any one of authority, responsibility, or means, are absent or being withheld. Usually I have found these conditions lead to frustration and even failure. And as a leader I make it a priority to help those on my team understand their authority, responsibility and means. I owe it to them.
So, if you come across the person or source that gave me this advice please let me know. I owe them a debt of gratitude and would love to give them credit where credit is due.
[leadership][responsibility][authority]
It soon became clear that responsibilities overlapped and that lines of authority were a little blurry. The only thing that was truly clear was the budget constraints that participants had to live within. Well, I guess one out of three ain't bad.
I may as well start this blog with a concept that is, for me, foundational. Always be clear about means, authority and responsibility. I am sure that I have heard this from some expert or source, or at least from someone more experience than I, but I can’t tell you who. This concept has become one of my ten commandments in leadership and teamwork.
Means (noun) - how a result is obtained or an end is achieved; an instrumentality for accomplishing some end. (means, agency, way)
Means specifically refers to the resources (people, talent, finances, time) necessary to achieve the desired outcome. If I ask "do you have the means to get the job done" I am NOT asking about authority or responsibility, I want to find out if you have the necessary resources.
Authority (noun) - the power or right to give or make decisions and delegate responsibility.
Authority refers to the source of permission; the ability to make a decision independent of the power to enforce a decision. Authority need not be consistent or rational (though it really, really helps), it only needs to be accepted as a source of permission or truth. If I ask, "Do you have the authority to make this decision?" I am not asking about means or responsibility, I want to find out if the buck stops with you. You may find that you have delegated authority. That’s just fine, provided that it is clearly understood by every one. I call this kind of authority "initiative". The buck ultimately stops with someone else, but they have granted enough authority to you that you have the ability to make all of the necessary decisions without going back to them to get more authority.
Responsibility (noun) - The idea is that one is entrusted with achieving or maintaining an assigned duty, charge, or outcome; an obligation to perform assigned activities. Responsibility is distinct from accountability.
A supervisor can assign responsibility but cannot give away his or her accountability: the supervisor is ultimately responsible. So, if I ask "are you responsible for this?" I am not asking if you are the source of authority, or if you have the resources to do the job. I want to know if the initiative for getting the work done is yours.
Whenever I am volunteering, when I accept a new job, whenever I am part of a team or committee or board, whenever I start something new I make it my first order of business to clarify authority, responsibility and means. This is something I find out, not just for my own curiosity or confidence, I find this information out so I can function with clarity in all of my roles and relationships. So, do you have what it takes?
Finally, I am very cautious about venturing into territory where any one of authority, responsibility, or means, are absent or being withheld. Usually I have found these conditions lead to frustration and even failure. And as a leader I make it a priority to help those on my team understand their authority, responsibility and means. I owe it to them.
So, if you come across the person or source that gave me this advice please let me know. I owe them a debt of gratitude and would love to give them credit where credit is due.
[leadership][responsibility][authority]
Quitting Sarcasm
When I was 20 looking 13 I was pretty sarcastic. I thought it was funny, and so did some of my friends (they also were sarcastic). HOwever a person I deeply valued (and latter married) said that she couldn’t stand me because of (among other things) my sarcasm. It was the first time anyone had confronted me about this behavior. Now, years latter, I am acutely aware of the damaging effects of sarcasm. As a trainer and consultant I have spent about equal time with Canadian and American groups and I find that Canadians use sarcasm more frequently, and with greater effect than their American counter parts.
Sarcasm is one of the most unique and dangerous forms of communication. When challenged, practitioners of this "dark art" make excuses ranging from, “I didn’t know I was doing it,” or “it adds a bit of humor to a bland conversation” to “It’s how I get someone’s attention.” Whatever the excuse / the reason, sarcasm is a damaging form of communication that has limited long-term success and commonly results in the message AND the messenger being tuned out or turned out.
In its most base form sarcasm is simply being a verbal bully. Someone who exercises power through fear, intimidation and one-up-manship. The hope is that sarcasm will intimidate someone to gain an advantage over them. If you are the recipient of sarcasm will have often have strong negative feelings towards a sarcastic person
I once read an editorial by a Dr. Williams that said this about sarcasm:
Sarcasm always has a target. Usually it is the hearer, sometimes it is the speaker. When sarcasm is directed your way expect to experience a wound – that is its intent whether the sarcastic person is conscious of their intent is another question for another time. Sometimes people turn sarcasm on themselves, possibly because of a lack of self worth, or because they are using a form of passive aggressive behavior to manipulate their hearer into “rescuing” them, responding in kind or simply feeling as worthless or insecure as the sarcastic communicator. The truth is when I comes to sarcasm, no one wins.
But what about humor? you ask. Well, Monty python, second city and Saturday night live and most Canadian comics use sarcasm because it “appears” to be witty. The sad fact is we often find ourselves laughing AT them more than with them. Their humor depends on the derision of some person, relationship or circumstance. The simple fact is that sarcasm requires a victim.
So what forms of sarcasm do you use? Carefully crafted cynicism, biting humor, irony, the roll of your eyes, a well timed sigh or groan, muttering under your breath. Under close examination each one is a form of sarcasm. Each intended to hurt, undermine or redirect the conversation.
Like any play ground bully, the office bully, the board room bully, and the living room bully are interested in reordering their worlds. They want to be “king of the mountain” and they will resort to sarcasm to take you down a notch. Sarcasm is after all contempt dressed up in fancy cloths.
And maybe that’s where we should start, with the contempt. After all sarcasm is a habit of speech that reveals attitude of the heart. What are the attitudes that give rise to sarcasm? Arrogance, insecurity, contempt, judgmentalism.
To deal with sarcasm one must address both the outward behavior and the underlying attitudes and beliefs.
Dr. Williams suggest four questions that help curb the expression of sarcasm and the underlying attitudes and beliefs which feed sarcasm
Call a moratorium on sarcasm, stop rewarding dysfunction, and begin to celebrate relationships, effectiveness, and creativity.
Sarcasm is one of the most unique and dangerous forms of communication. When challenged, practitioners of this "dark art" make excuses ranging from, “I didn’t know I was doing it,” or “it adds a bit of humor to a bland conversation” to “It’s how I get someone’s attention.” Whatever the excuse / the reason, sarcasm is a damaging form of communication that has limited long-term success and commonly results in the message AND the messenger being tuned out or turned out.
In its most base form sarcasm is simply being a verbal bully. Someone who exercises power through fear, intimidation and one-up-manship. The hope is that sarcasm will intimidate someone to gain an advantage over them. If you are the recipient of sarcasm will have often have strong negative feelings towards a sarcastic person
I once read an editorial by a Dr. Williams that said this about sarcasm:
”The truth is that most of us don’t like to be with and we clearly don’t trust people whom we perceive as being sarcastic. Sarcasm is a relational deal-breaker for most people. Communicating with someone who is sarcastic is like trying to dance in a minefield. You never know when the person is going to fire an insult in your direction and the conversation will blow up. Like landmines, the triggers of sarcasm are often hidden out of sight, usually deep within the verbal bully’s psyche.”So what is Sarcasm ? Etymology: to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer, from (greek) sark-, sarx flesh; Definition: 1 : a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain 2 : a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual
Sarcasm always has a target. Usually it is the hearer, sometimes it is the speaker. When sarcasm is directed your way expect to experience a wound – that is its intent whether the sarcastic person is conscious of their intent is another question for another time. Sometimes people turn sarcasm on themselves, possibly because of a lack of self worth, or because they are using a form of passive aggressive behavior to manipulate their hearer into “rescuing” them, responding in kind or simply feeling as worthless or insecure as the sarcastic communicator. The truth is when I comes to sarcasm, no one wins.
But what about humor? you ask. Well, Monty python, second city and Saturday night live and most Canadian comics use sarcasm because it “appears” to be witty. The sad fact is we often find ourselves laughing AT them more than with them. Their humor depends on the derision of some person, relationship or circumstance. The simple fact is that sarcasm requires a victim.
So what forms of sarcasm do you use? Carefully crafted cynicism, biting humor, irony, the roll of your eyes, a well timed sigh or groan, muttering under your breath. Under close examination each one is a form of sarcasm. Each intended to hurt, undermine or redirect the conversation.
Like any play ground bully, the office bully, the board room bully, and the living room bully are interested in reordering their worlds. They want to be “king of the mountain” and they will resort to sarcasm to take you down a notch. Sarcasm is after all contempt dressed up in fancy cloths.
And maybe that’s where we should start, with the contempt. After all sarcasm is a habit of speech that reveals attitude of the heart. What are the attitudes that give rise to sarcasm? Arrogance, insecurity, contempt, judgmentalism.
To deal with sarcasm one must address both the outward behavior and the underlying attitudes and beliefs.
Dr. Williams suggest four questions that help curb the expression of sarcasm and the underlying attitudes and beliefs which feed sarcasm
1. Is this comment true and accurate?In years of working with emerging leaders I have found that sarcasm is one of the most common short cuts to power and influence that they are tempted to. And like most short cuts it is a blind ally leading no where. In fact sarcastic leaders often find themselves excluded and even unemployed – and oddly they are bewildered by this development. Let me suggest that in your next meeting you assign a couple of people to be sarcasm detectors – arming them with a buzzer or bell.
2. Is this comment kind and appropriate?
3. Is this comment necessary at this time and to this person?
4. Would this comment strengthen this relationship?
Call a moratorium on sarcasm, stop rewarding dysfunction, and begin to celebrate relationships, effectiveness, and creativity.
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